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Welcome to the decade of lower expectations, where Joe Biden hears applause when he makes it thru lunch without leaving his teeth stuck in a sandwich. Low expectations, it’s the new black.
First, there’s San Francisco. Where the city paper asks, earnestly, should residents and businesses tolerate burglaries as a part of city living, and focus on barricading homes? Fair question. The thing about burglars – they’re probably just looking for bread, as AOC once said about hordes of organized retail looters.
You remember the riots, right? Hundreds of looters running out of stores, with loaves of sourdough in boxes, that for some reason had Nike logos on them. Maybe that’s why car theft is soaring in San Francisco. There might be bread in there. That’s why murder is up. People are foolishly defending bread.
And if you can’t tolerate that, maybe it’s you who’s the problem. What do you have against theft? Do you have property privilege? Don’t you see that you having that wallet, lords over that man with the knife, who doesn’t have a wallet? But I guess that’s what they mean by reimagining public safety: criminals don’t rob people. People have stuff that needs robbing.
Meanwhile, the media has taken the low expectation bar to a new low. They point out that rising inflation is really a good thing! So get used to it. It’s the exact thing I used to tell myself back in college when the rash kept returning. MSNBC tried vainly to explain why inflation “is a good thing,” but less people bought it than tickets to see the movie “Cats.” They explain that Americans can only pay more for heating oil, gas, and food – if they first have more money!! Except that all that printed money makes it worth less – requiring you to spend more of it for the same stuff.
The argument that Americans are buying more cuz they have more is just like Biden claiming $3.5 trillion costs zero: it doesn’t add up. If only the price of peanut butter was as low as his IQ. And now heating costs – unlike Joe’s approval ratings – are expected to skyrocket. His own energy secretary warned that Americans will have to pay more to heat their homes this winter.
So what does Joe do? Closes more pipelines. Because that worked with Keystone right? Slapping restrictions on fracking didn’t help either. Energy independence is now as over as Mayor Pete’s paternity leave.
So even amid a global energy crisis, they want to shut down the l-5 pipeline from Michigan to Canada. And when they told the prez about the l-5, he just yelled bingo. He’s more out of the loop than Kat at a convent.
So why does Joe Biden close pipelines? Because they give you gas. Which is his problem, not ours. Really- the only pipeline he should be shutting is the one that runs from his stomach to his ass.
Talk about lower expectations – more like lower intestinal expectations! You know it’s bad when the British royals only take away from that climate meeting was that Joe’s farts were the longest heard in recorded history. And louder than the maiden flight of the Concorde. The Duke of Windsor? More like breaking Windsor. Camilla Parker Bowles? More like Joe Biden’s bowels! Eric Swalwell must be green with envy. Or broccoli. Either way, he needs to up his fiber intake. Cuz while Joe may not outsmart you, he will outfart you.
What’s happening to me?
So we went from peace in the Middle East, relaxed tensions in North Korea, Operation Warp Speed – all from Trump – to this, a man who passes the buck as much as he passes the wind.
And look at the media. You want low expectations? CNN happily defends Joe – saying there’s nothing he can do to reduce energy prices. Yeah, because increasing drilling, and not blocking pipelines just isn’t possible. But CNN’s got a lot on their plate. Their two primetime hosts are currently accused of various things from groping to even more groping. But maybe they’re hard of hearing. When their boss said “all hands on deck,” they heard all hands on…well you know the rest.
So why are the media and politicians embracing low expectations? Well, it takes the pressure off them to do the actual work. The politicians don’t have to solve the problems, and the hacks at CNN don’t have to call them on it for not solving the problems. Just get the American people to accept failure, and we can all put it on cruise control.
But more important while you’re expected to lower expectations. They don’t. Because they can afford any hardship. Defund the police? No problem they got, hired security. They’re closing the nearby Walgreens? Cool my assistant picks up the generic Viagra for me. Gas costs more? My driver, Jeeves, takes care of that. After he rubs my feet in jelly.
So – let them eat cake until the price of milk, eggs, and sugar makes that no longer possible! Because more people needing handouts means more potential Democrat votes.
But even Biden’s chief of staff admits things are looking bad. I wonder if Ron Klain thinks it’s been a rough and tough year.
Ron Klain: “It’s been a rough and tough year. And we knew it would be, president Biden has said this all the time, we’re in a year-long effort, to dig out of the holes we were left.”
Yeah, the holes. They’re digging out of holes. No, they just dug them deeper. And where there weren’t any holes, like the energy sector, they went out and dug new ones.
So that’s the scam. Run the country into the ground, even under the ground – cuz they’re not affected. It’s all on you, and you better suck it up. Unless, in a year, you go to polls, and treat them all like dirt.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the November 9, 2021 edition of “Gutfeld!”