Gutfeld digs into corny political concerns about ethanol

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Here’s Hillary refusing to answer questions as to whether her presidential campaign spied on former President Donald Trump

REPORTER: Did you pay to spy on the Trump campaign? When are you going to comment on the spying allegations, Hillary? Did you pay for him to be spied on?

Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton.
(REUTERS/Gonzalo Fuentes)

As you know, it’s a legend that lawyers from Hillary’s campaign in 2016 paid to access servers belonging to Trump Tower. And later, the White House, in order to establish a narrative to bring two federal government agencies that would link Donald Trump to Russia

But even though Hillary wouldn’t answer questions on that, she managed to tweet, saying, “Trump & Fox desperately spitting up a fake scandal to distract us from his real ones. So it’s a day that ends in Y.” 

Former President Donald Trump. (Photo by Brandon Bell/Getty Images)

Former President Donald Trump. (Photo by Brandon Bell/Getty Images)
(Brandon Bell/Getty Images)

Well look, Pantsuit, nobody had to spun this up. It didn’t come from “Fox & Friends” or Mar-a-Lago or from Kim Jong Un’s b——-. 

It came from John Durham’s investigation, so no wonder you’re pleading for the media to circle the wagons around you, because you pushed Russian collusion nonstop, and now it turns out you were the colluders all along. 

So we’re going to get to that. But, first ethanol. 

Yeah, I’m like a parent making you eat the broccoli before you get the pudding. Or in Kat’s case, lithium. 

INTRODUCTION

Yes, ethanol, as you know, is made from corn, or as Liz Warren calls it, maize. And for years, it’s been mixed in the gasoline to be sold at America’s gas pumps. 

I know a man did something no one wanted being forced on you. The reason? It was better for the planet. So corn that would normally go to feed millions of people around the globe, or Tyrus for a week, instead would fill your gas tank. 

But get this. Now, it turns out that ethanol is likely a much bigger contributor to global warming than straight gasoline, according to a new study. 

Yep, everything they told us about ethanol and climate was just like Russian collusion, Covington, Kavanaugh, the origins of COVID and what’s really inside Geraldo’s mustache.

It’s all B.S. Yep, it’s yet another liberal fantasy that causes the opposite of its goal, like government spending, fixing poverty, or “The Daily Show” inspiring laughter. 

It’s all from a study published in the “Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.” 

Gas prices. (AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes)

Gas prices. (AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes)
( (AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes))

It’s where I used to work before they caught me abusing a beaker, and it contradicts previous research showing ethanol is a green energy source. 

Now, scientists find that, like Joe Biden in a porta-potty, ethanol is no friend to the climate. 

In fact, it’s at least 24 percent more carbon intensive than gas. Of course, the ethanol trade lobby trashed the study. 

And why wouldn’t they? They’re the ethanol trade lobby, not the Society for Saving You Money to Spend on Gas Station Snacks like those amazing lanced toast cheese sandwich crackers with real peanut butter. 

Am I the only one? Alright. Well, this has been a cash cow for the lobby and farmers got paid for the corn, whether it really worked or not. 

So it’s truly a green source of energy. Our oil refiners must make some 15 billion gallons of corn-based ethanol into our gas supply every year.

Even to Eric Swalwell, it’s a lot of gas. 

ERIC SWALWELL: The president used taxpayer dollars to ask the Ukrainians to help them cheat an election. 

Look, we’ve got to make ethanol interesting somehow. 

But while the policy pretended to reduce emissions, it turned into a giant subsidy for corn growers. And this mandate forced additional acres of land to be used for cultivating the corn, which otherwise would have been used to feed people. 

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Meanwhile, this tilling of the fields released more carbon from the soil, while nitrogen fertilizers also produced emissions. 

Dear Lord, this is the most research I’ve done since I decided to soundproof my basement love den. 

I did so much research, I even uncovered this long-lost video from the corn lobby. 

CORN LOBBY SKIT PLAYS

Good job, researchers. So what’s the moral here? That everyone is full of poop, and not even corn-filled poop. 

Especially climate experts, lobbyists and politicians. While you struggle to fill your gas tank, they’re filling their bank accounts, forcing us to subsidize a product as worthless as Charlie Sheen’s guide to proper dental care. 

For years, we were told to buy this crap, but if we didn’t, we hated farmers. 

Although I admit, I never cared for Mr. Green Jeans, even at 10, I wasn’t buying it. 

Meanwhile, the price of corn rose for everyone because our gas tanks were now the primary client, not our stomachs. And like gas tanks, the cost to fill them went up, too. 

We were fine. We could eat other stuff. Hell, I supplement my diet with rare ocelots. I’m not rich. 

But for poor countries, corn became more expensive. Did anyone starve? Who knows. There’s no Wikipedia page for that. But at least our air was better here. Except it wasn’t. 

So there you go. Like CNN’s programing or Russian collusion and Maroon 5’s music, ethanol subsidies and politics in general is all garbage. 

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the February 16, 2022 edition of “Gutfeld!”

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